I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
