remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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