U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
