I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
