Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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