I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I bet he comes in French.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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