Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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