They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
