You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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