Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
