I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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