I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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