She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
