She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
