Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
