While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
