Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
