i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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