Who did Billy Mays play for?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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