dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
