i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
