Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
