How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dicks are not precious.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
