No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
