Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
