someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
