Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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