i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
