She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
