dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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