if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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