Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
