I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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