I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
