you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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