just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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