I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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