checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
