What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
