question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
