no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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