I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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