My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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