i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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