i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
