I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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