3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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