I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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