he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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