tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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