I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
