Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
