who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
