So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
