yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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