I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
